Freddie Mercury and Queen helped me see the contrast of the ugly side of the church and the beauty of art. My queer child and I saw the movie “Bohemian Rhapsody” together on New Year’s Eve of 2018. The theater was packed. One of the movie’s key moments was the 1985 Wembley Stadium performance of Queen in Live Aid. That scene brought a flood of memories. Live Aid was a key learning moment for me as a Christian teenager sitting in front of the television with my family. In 1991, upon Freddie Mercury’s death, I would learn another lesson. How hateful the Christian church can be to queer people like my child.
Conjecture Over Freddie Mercury’s Sexuality
The church youth group I went to in the 1980’s used to have guest speakers called the Peters Brothers come to tell us how evil rock and roll was. Satanic panic, gay indoctrination, and many more things were allegedly contained in rock and roll.
They were, and are, obsessed with sex and sexuality. Some said Freddie was gay and others said Freddie was bi. In any case, Freddie Mercury was evil and would poison our minds with his gayness. I did not completely understand why I was supposed to hate gay people, but they tried, and still try, to teach young minds and parents to hate queer people.
I tried to get rid of my secular music in high school to please the church. No matter how hard I tried I could not let go of some of my tapes and albums. The music was too good and spoke to me. I was afraid of going to hell and letting down God, but I needed the music emotionally. It gave me what the church claimed to offer, peace and a message of love.
Live Aid Lessons
Live Aid was a big deal when it happened. 72,000 people at Wembley Stadium in London and 89,000 at John F. Kennedy Stadium in Philadelphia were gathered at this live concert event to help starving people. And the live television feed was seen by over 1.9 billion people. Almost 40 percent of the world’s population in 1985 were watching the same event at the same time.
My family’s television was no exception. It is not hyperbole to say that when Queen took the stage, the show lit up. At one point during their set, someone in the living room asked about Freddie’s sexuality. My uncle said, “Shouldn’t matter who he sleeps with, he’s the greatest frontman in rock.”
My uncle was the epitome of cool to me. He had a classic muscle car, long hair, rock t shirts and had friends that were just as cool. I admired him like a little brother admires a big brother. He was manly and cool and not threatened by Freddy’s sexuality. My grandfather, another man I looked up to, was laying on the living room floor and he just nodded at what my uncle said. My grandmother mentioned a relative that was in the closet when she was young and she thought it was a shame he could never be himself.
No one in my family was talking about sin or evil or threats to the fabric of the American family. If Freddie Mercury was gay, no one in my family cared, including two men who I aspired to be like.
Aftermath of Freddie Mercury’s Death
The night before Freddie Mercury died, he released the following after years of speculation about his sexuality and the likelihood of his having AIDS:
“Following enormous conjecture in the press, I wish to confirm that I have been tested HIV positive and have Aids. I felt it correct to keep this information private in order to protect the privacy of those around me. However, the time has now come for my friends and fans around the world to know the truth, and I hope everyone will join with me, my doctors and all those worldwide in the fight against this terrible disease.”
Freddy Mercury
Freddie had people who loved him that knew and did not care. His partner Jim Hutton, the band, his former partner and wife, Mary Austin and many others. But that love did not matter to others. The homophobic church stated the wages of sin is death. This was Freddie Mercury’s just desserts for mocking their God with gay sex. They raked his legacy over the coals.
Christian Hate
I remember sitting in church the Sunday after he died. I was no longer a teenager in a youth group. Now I was a young man in his twenties with his first youth group as a youth pastor. Our senior pastor took to the altar and practically celebrated the death of Freddie Mercury and dared to speak of a just god.
As the pastor spoke his hateful filth the words of my uncle echoed in my head. I looked around me and saw people nodding their heads with the occasional amen uttered. I saw in that moment what we were as Christians. We were ugly. We were hateful. This group took glee in the horrific death of someone.
This meant that they took glee in the deaths of countless people who died of AIDS so painfully. In those days HIV was a death sentence. For many it still is due to lack of access to medication.
The Final Lessons From Freddie
Even by those who accept and affirm Freddie there is still speculation. Some people say definitively that Freddie was gay. Others say Freddie was definitely bi. Sadly there are others who say he was a degenerate and an abomination that deserved death.
It doesn’t matter what anyone’s sexuality or gender identity is. What Freddie Mercury’s sexuality was does not belong to us. It was his story to tell or not tell on his terms. People try to take that right away from LGBTQIA+ people to this day. Once their sexuality or gender identity is revealed, it becomes their defining characteristic for too many people.
Freddie Mercury was the world’s greatest frontman in one of the world’s greatest bands. Conjecture of anyone being gay in a time when it was illegal in many places and considered to be a mental illness could destroy someone’s career and very life. In such a setting for a person who loved sharing music and poetry with the world, Freddie Mercury owed the press and the public nothing. He had no duty to be defined by one thing that small minds could not love.
When AIDS first struck in the 1980’s it was called the “gay cancer”. With a few exceptions, the church was not present with compassion for those who were dying. The church took, and in many cases, still takes glee in the suffering of others calling it justice from an allegedly loving God that has a wonderful plan for our lives.
Closing Thoughts
In 2019 I lost all hope and survived a suicide attempt. The first year of recovery in the midst of a pandemic where we were sheltered in place was difficult. One night I was listening to music on my smart speaker. Queen’s Under Pressure kept cycling into my playlist for some reason. So I put the song on repeat and gave the lyrics a closer listening. A song I have known for decades made me break into tears.
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under Pressure
I stopped caring about myself due to religious trauma. In this season I had to allow love to change the way I care about myself. In my post suicidal recovery, Freddie Mercury, David Bowie, and Queen did more for me than any Christian or former congregant of mine ever did.
I recently wrote about another great man named Fred. Fred Rogers! It is our most popular article at Gen X Watch. Fred Rogers told us we were lovable exactly as we were. He also told us to look for the helpers in a time of crisis. Freddie Mercury reminded me of the importance to love others and myself. The church taught me to hate people over something that is none of our business. In times of crisis in my youth and adult life, music like Queen’s has been there for me in ways the church never has been.
My world is richer for having walked this road of love and affirmation with my child and my queer friends. Despite the indoctrination of my youth, I am welcomed and loved by many people in the LGBTQIA+ community. These are my friends, my teachers, and people who love me even in days I do not love myself. Our sexuality and our gender identity is a part of who we are, not all that we are.
During PRIDE month remember who really loves richly.
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