Poly Styrene & the X-Ray Spex That See Through Bondage

Could a young woman change punk and inspire Riot Grrls? Would misdiagnosis of mental health derail her? Would she inspire someone to say up yours to bondage? If we are talking about Poly Styrene, the answer is definitively yes!

Not a lot of you will know who Poly Styrene is, keep reading. Before we go on we have to deal with some of the clichés.

Yes, Poly was a woman of color and is often spoken of as being the first black woman in punk. To stop there misses a lot. In England the slur version of half breed for someone of mixed race is half cast. The suggestion is that you are not quite whole as a person. Her mom was referred to as a black man’s whore. And being that she was raised in a time where there were not many mixed race children, she did not fit in with ether race growing up. She was without a tribe.

Some would say that punk was her tribe. According to the documentary about her, “Poly Styrene: I Am a Cliché”, she also never saw herself as punk. In a punk world that was full of it’s blend of fashion, she stood out with what could best be described as grandma chic with cardigans, skirts, and some uniform like gear.

She is also spoken about as body positive. In the manner this is brought up it is often code for not thin. This is an adventure in missing the point. Her clothing was in the spirit of her music. She defied gender expectations and societal expectations in her presentation. The body did not matter. It was neither celebrated or vilified. It just was. She had often said that if she was ever seen as a sex symbol, she would shave her head. And she did just that at one point.

Finally there is feminism. She had been asked about it a few times and would not answer. The reason is, when you are a celebrity and you are asked if you identify with something, you do in your interpretation, but the person asking usually has their own idea as to what that means.

She was cliché not for anything she did, but for how we labeled her.

On Poly Styrene’s 19th birthday she saw the Sex Pistols perform live. She vibed with this form of music. Despite an earlier attempt at a music career with Reggae, she decided she was going to try again. She put an ad in a paper that read she was looking for ‘young punx who want to stick it together’ to form a band. From there she would storm the punk stages with her newly formed band, X-Ray Spex.

Her stage name, Poly Styrene came from looking in the Yellow Pages phone book for something that would relate to plastic. She felt that pop stars were plastic and disposable. She wanted a name for herself that would reflect that ethos.

In short time they were playing the renown Roxy with their single “Oh Bondage Up Yours”. X-Ray Spex released five singles and one album. The singles and the 1978 album Germfree Adolescents became formative classic punk releases.

What made them famous was not just a great line up of musicians, Poly’s amazing vocals, or their DIY fashion that defied even punk. It was Poly Styrene’s writing that tapped into a generation with ideas that society is still catching up with.

X-Ray Spex sang of things we still face today. Gender roles, racial stereotypes, identity-based discrimination, narrow standards of beauty and health, youth and beauty being valued over experience and wisdom, consumerism and capitalism. She also challenged punk posers who dressed the role but did not embrace the ideas of freedom from bondage, individuality, and equality.

Before they could go on to make more music after a great New York run in the iconic CBGB’s, Poly would be misdiagnosed as schizophrenic and institutionalized. Later, she would find she was actually bi polar, but the damage to her and her career was done. She became a cliche as someone who was just nuts.

Poly Styrene would continue musical projects of her own with a different flavor. She had found peace in the Hari Krishna movement. Mental health was still an issue. In the new century we are now in she would pull herself up, hit the stage again, and find a new groove. But she found that groove again not knowing cancer had spread to her bones and was eating her alive. This is so common in a hero’s story. I wish it were not. In 2011 she would die at the age of 53. But she died ever the optimist seeking beauty while calling out the bs.

Her short work with the X-Ray Spex would inspire the Riot Grrl movement in the 1990’s. The Riot Grrl movement was intentional feminist punk that was radically inclusive and would help advance feminism into the third wave. Poly Styrene would also inspire someone I loved and force me to make a decision.

Winter of 1988 I was dating a girl named Cassie. We had been together for a few months at this point and the relationship was strong. I worked at a men’s clothing store in a mall called “Silverman’s” and she worked at the Orange Julius in the same mall. If you want to read more about how we met, you can go to the feminist Friday article, “Debbie Harry and the Value of Blondie’s Deal“.

We had both recently graduated high school and had not yet entered college. We worked at the mall, hung out, made out, and our mall community of misfits from other stores had become our tribe. I was finding a greater sense of belonging with her and with them than I was in my church community in Naperville, Illinois.

We were weeks from Christmas and the mall was decked to the walls and the halls. Cassie and I were on our breaks and eating some bagel sandwiches from Skolnik’s Bagels in the packed food court. She was telling me that she had an agency that wanted to test her in a few days from a portfolio I made for her.

“I did like you suggested and cast a broad net and sent the damn thing everywhere,” she explained, “And you’re gonna get a kick out of who gave me a call back for a test! A Christian agency. I may need coaching from you about Bible stuff. This is your world, not mine.”

I asked her the name of the agency and she told me. I told her I knew that one. They have done some work with the local Christian TV station on the UHF dial. I knew a guy from there at my last church in a town called Bolingbrook. I told her he’s pretty connected and I will reach out to him and see if he can be there. About this time, our friend Doug (who worked at Record Town) came and sat at our table.

“Hey guys! How are the lovebirds?” We told him we were good. He had a small bag in his hands.

“Cassie, you asked me about something a few months ago. I found it!” He handed her the bag. She scrunched her nose and looked inside. She pulled out a .45 I had never heard of before. X-Ray Spex.

She squealed in delight! “Dougie! How did you find this?”

Doug smiled very proud of himself. “If I tell you my secrets, I’ll be out of a job! Original press, 1977, Virgin Records.”

“How much, Dougie?” she asked.

“Merry Christmas, Cassie!” He smiled. He pointed at me, “This guy makes me a lot of money and it’s just cool to see you two happy.”

“Who are the X-Ray Spex?” I asked. They both looked at me incredulously.

“Babe!” she said, “How? What? No! You’re coming over after work.” Cassie grabbed my left wrist and looked at my Seiko watch I bought at the mall in 1986. “Shit! I gotta go. See you tonight!” She leaned over and gave Doug a hug, kissed me twice and ran off to the Orange Julius.

Doug looked at me and said, “My work here is done! I’m getting something to eat. Have fun tonight!”

I touched my lips, smiled to myself, and got up to go back to work.

I pulled up to Cassie’s townhouse. She lived with her aunt. Her mom died when she was younger and dad was never in the picture. Her aunt was divorced with no kids and was a nurse at a nearby hospital and worked long hours. I was elated to not see her car in the drive way. I parked my Monte Carlo behind Cassie’s AMC Gremlin. She was waiting for me in the driveway. I went up to kiss her and she stopped me.

“Inside,” she said, “then kisses. Too cold babe.”

“Whatever you want, Blondie blonde!”

We went inside and popped a tombstone pizza in the oven and grabbed 2 bottles of Coke and made out in the kitchen while we waited for the pizza in the oven. We cut the pizza and put the slices on paper plates. Cassie went into her bedroom to grab a couple of albums and change. She came out in sweats a tee shirt. She put the full X-Ray Spex album on her aunt’s record player, grabbed her plate, propped herself on the couch, wriggled her feet and said with a smile, “Feet!” This had become part of our routine. Being on her feet all day made her feet sore and I would rub them while we watched rented movies or listened to music.

I listened to the music expecting something else, I am not sure what. But this was different. It was social and was amazing. It was honest and earnest and her voice was amazing. I was hooked.

After that album she played a 4 song EP that Poly Styrene released independently in the mid 80’s. Before she played it she explained to me that Poly Styrene was now a Buddhist or something. The music was different. It was spiritual, but still “very Poly”. Cassie was hoping I would like it since I am into spiritual things as a Christian. I loved it, but it was nothing like the Christian pop music. It was spiritual where the crap they played in Contemporary Christian Music was as deep as a birdbath in Arizona on a hot summer day.

“So,” Cassie said as she moved her feet out of my lap and placed her head in my lap instead. “What did you think of my girl?”

“It’s amazing and so different. I love what she says about consumerism and fake stuff and how hard it is being real.”

“Did you have a favorite?” She asked.

“The one about bondage in the first album and the one about the Cold War comparing Atomic bombs to boys with toys in the second one.” I said after some thought.

“Oh Bondage Up Yours is my favorite too. I’ll make you a cassette.” She paused. “Pat.” She did not use my name very often. I was babe. So I knew this was serious.

“Yeah?” I replied.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” I asked.

“What I like matters to you. You listen to me. I like this. My last boyfriend didn’t give a shit and I just really like you and I didn’t expect this.”

“I like you too. A lot.”

She took a deep breath, sat up, and looked at me. “Can we make love? I know you’re a virgin and I don’t mean tonight, but I want you and we can make it special.”

I was scared but wanted to be with her too. “Yeah.”

She kissed me gently, touched my face, smiled, and said, “After the model test thing? Special dinner and then special night?”

My heart melted. She wanted me. And for the first time in my life, I felt ready. I agreed. We held each other, watched some Nick at Night reruns, and then I went home.

The next day I was off. In the early evening I grabbed the church directory from the church I used to go to and called the man who was a big shot at the agency Cassie was gonna test with. His wife answered the phone and I could hear their daughter laughing in the background. I asked if I could speak with Daniel. She put him on and he remembered me and said it was good to hear from me.

I got right to the point as he balanced between talking to me and entertaining his three year old daughter. I told him I had a girlfriend I made a portfolio for and she was testing at the agency in a few days. Then I asked if he could be there or at least put in a word for her.

He told me how proud he was of me that I could make a portfolio that could get attention like that. I told him that it was not the first time some of my work has helped someone. He said he would be there but he also wanted me to bring in some of my work. He said they could use a good photographer.

I called Cassie when she got home from work and told her the good news. The exec I knew would be there and it looks like both of us were going to get work out of this. She reminded me that would make the special night of us together even more sweet. A celebration of new beginnings together. She also told me that she made the cassette for me and would bring it to the mall the next day.

The day of the model test/audition had arrived. Her Aunt was going to visit some friends in Wisconsin so we would have the townhouse to ourselves. This was the night. This was our day!

I picked her up mid morning in my Monte Carlo and we drove to Chicago where the event was taking place. Daniel had assured me that he would be there and “clear the runways”. I did not tell Cassie this, but she was in and I was about to get a job as a photographer for an agency. A real full time photography job!

She held my hand tightly the whole way there and she told me how special tonight was going to be and how much she was looking forward to it. I was glowing and it just felt like life was about to take a great turn. Though I was nervous, I was no longer scared. But greater than the nerves was desire to be with her. Not just about the sex, but her and us. This all felt right.

I parked the car on the street, fed the meter, looked at my watch, and we went in the building. We went to registration where there were about 2 dozen girls milling about with numbers pinned to them holding sheets. As Cassie was filling her out her information, a woman walked up to me and asked if I was Pat Green. I told her yes. She told me Daniel wanted to see me for a few minutes. I hugged Cassie and followed the assistant.

I went into his office and he gave me a big hug and told me how great it was to see me and how this was such a blessing. He asked for my portfolio and I gave him my work. He only looked a few pages into it and said, “Pat, honestly. This is amazing stuff! God gave you a gift. Could you start after New Years?” Daniel gave me a number as a proposed salary and told me there would be benefits. More than I could imagine making at that age. He was serious. I said yes.

“All right, bro!” He exclaimed. “Let’s go meet your girlfriend and get her into the family here.”

Daniel put a hand around my shoulder and we walked into the room where the models were. Cassie’s blue eyes looked up at mine and before they could light up, I saw the blood run out of her face. I felt Daniel’s hand on my shoulder stiffen and tremble a little. Somehow I knew everything in that moment.

I moved away from Daniel and went to Cassie. I cupped her face in my hands and locked my eyes on her. “You’re all that matters right now. What do you want us to do?”

“We need to go.” She said quietly. “I’m sorry Pat.”

“No no no! This is not your fault!” I said this between grit teeth and kissed her.

“I love you, babe!” she said. Despite everything else that was happening, something inside me felt amazing to hear her say that. But I could only revel in those words for a nano second.

“He’s coming over, Pat!” she said alarmed.

I put my arm around her and we made a beeline for the elevator. It opened as soon as we pressed the button and we went inside. As the door was closing, Daniel’s arm stopped it. He looked at us and said, “We need to talk, kids.” He tried to sound forceful, but he sounded scared.

Cassie’s voice raised and shook, “Kids? Fucking A right kids! I was 16!”

He looked back to see if anyone could hear her. I took that moment to be unusually brave and push my palm on his chest. He moved back from the elevator door and I held her close the whole ride down to the lobby. From the lobby we went to the street where my Monte Carlo was parked and went back to her townhouse in Aurora.

She told me that he had promised to help her become a model when she was 16. He would shoot her portfolio and get her into his agency for a favor. When she showed up for the session, he took some pictures and then told her he needed nudes. She did not know what to do and was scared, so she disrobed. Once she was naked, he took her and she was too scared to resist. She never saw him or the pictures ever again.

When we got to her place she wanted me to spend the night. I did. We did not make love. Cassie told me exactly what she needed that night. She needed me by her side. She needed to be held. We got into her bed and I held her. Around dawn, we finally fell asleep.

The model fiasco was a Friday night. We both called in at the mall and spent Saturday just letting her heal from the shock. On Sunday she went to work and I went to Church.

After service an usher came up to me and asked me if I was Pat Green. I said yes. He told me the senior pastor and the young adult pastor wanted to see me. This was a large church and the pastor was nationally recognized. I had no idea what this could be about, but I was excited to meet him. In his office! This must be important.

I followed the usher through a maze of back hallways to the pastor’s ornate office that felt like something you would see in a movie where a man in a smoking jacket had a mahogany and leather office that almost felt like a private library. In the office behind the large desk was the senior pastor, the young adult pastor, and Daniel. Now I was scared. They asked me to sit down. I did.

The young adult pastor reminded me of the Apostle Paul’s words in the bible, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” He then told me that this is spiritual warfare and God had great plans for me. And Satan would use anything in his power to take all of that away from me. I needed to guard my heart and embrace the truth of the Holy Spirit. He reminded me that I have not been in any of the youth or young adult stuff in a long time. You can read more about that in the article, “When Material Girls Make a Rule“

Satan was using a woman with a Jezebel spirit to tempt me away from God. He told me that young woman I was dating was being used by the devil to try to tempt me from God the same way she tried to tempt Daniel. We were the victims. I should not be yoked with a non believer because God has a Godly woman for me and a perfect plan.

He said he, the senior pastor, and Daniel had intercessory prayer for me and it was time for me to make a decision. God’s perfect plan or the temptress. They said I had to make a choice, now.

I sat there and remembered when I left my last church when I was a senior in high school. I was molested by a youth leader there. When I went forward with a teacher and my grandparents backing me, the youth pastor at that church told me I was a liar, a gossip, and I would have to confess my sin to the entire congregation. I left and came to this church. I did not want to lose another church community and lose God’s will.

After a few moments of feeling defeated, I asked the senior pastor if I could use his phone and call Cassie. He smiled and turned the phone toward me.

With trembling hands I grabbed the Merlin office phone and dialed the number of the Orange Julius. It rang and after several rings one of Cassie’s co workers answered sounding rushed.

“Carol, it’s Patrick. I need to speak with Cassie.”

“Pat! We’re slammed right now.”

“Carol. It’s important. Please put her on.”

I could hear the mall in the background. I was shaking all over and scared out of my mind. The three men were looking at me and the young adult pastor walked over to me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. Cassie came to the phone.

“Babe?” she asked, “Everything okay?”

I took a deep breath. “Cassie. I need you to listen to everything I am about to say very carefully.”

There was a long pause. “Pat,” she said. “You’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

I steadied myself. This was going to be hard. I looked at the men and I heard her voice. I could not do this. They were the bondage. I closed my eyes and I heard Poly Styrene sing ‘Some people think little girls should be seen and not heard. But I think oh bondage, up yours!’ And in that moment, I was brave.

“I’m in an office with two pastors and your rapist.”

All three men looked at me and Daniel took a step towards me. I looked at him and said, “If your eye causes you to sin you should pluck it out, Daniel! Take another step and I swear to God I will grab that letter opener and do that! ” I turned my attention back to the phone.

“They want me to break up with you, Cassie. That’s not happening. Know why? I love you too. Cassie, I love you and I’m gonna be there soon! But things are really bad here right now so I have to go.”

“Oh my god!” she exclaimed. “Are you okay?”

“No, but I will be in about 20 minutes!” I said. I was smiling and bravery felt really good. So did love.

“I love you, Pat! Get out of there!”

I hung up the phone and smiled at all three men.

Dedicated to Erika

Every Feminist Friday is Dedicated to my friend Erika!

Erika died on Christmas leaving behind a family that has immediate needs.

Click here to read the story of how Erika saved my life when we were teenagers.

Click here to donate to the Gofundme.

There are four ways you can do this:

1. Share this story with a friend and leave a comment.

2. Tip me! I need your support!

3. Become a Members Only Patreon! In the Patreon I will have unfiltered rants, exclusive content, free PDF copies of the upcoming quarterly magazine, and more.

4. Go to our store and buy the print magazine! It is art, news, and nostalgia that matters!

Thank you for your support and taking the time to read this.

Stay Totally Awesome! Stay true to you.